The Weeds They Thought They Were
by The Showers in April
Summary: KT has always been different in both the little ways and the big ways. But different is bad. Being different is what KT strives not to be. But sometimes being different simply means loving who you are. / / KT-Centric, LGBTQ Themes, Implied Peddie


**Hey, bitches, I'm gay, and I was thinking that KT is also really gay so I write this. This is my personal headcanon and I've been thinking about this a lot lately. You don't have to share this headcanon, but I'm honestly 100% for this.**

 **Also, I write this all in one sitting way past my bedtime, so forgive any mistakes or confusing things.**

 **TRIGGER WARNING(S): The homophobic slur "f****t" is used, and there is metaphorical reference to hanging oneself (though it does not actually happen)**

 **Kisses,**

 **The Showers in April**

* * *

KT Rush had always been different from her peers. It ranged from the little things...

 _In first grade, her class had to write a few sentences about their favorite colors and present it in front of the room. When it was her turn, KT stood up to tell the class that her favorite color was orange. Everyone was confused as to why she'd like_ orange _over pink, or blue, or purple, or anything else, really. Just not_ orange _._ _It wasn't even_ _that the color was bad; it was just different._ _But different was_ bad _._

...to the big things...

 _In the third grade, KT gave a bouquet of dandelions to a pretty girl in her class named Peggy Valentine_. _KT_ _had handpicked the prettiest yellow_ _blossoms on the playground for the bouquet, tying it up_ _with a pretty purple_ _ribbon—purple was Peggy's favorite color—from the art room._

 _She'd seen Bobby give Hannah a dandelion bouquet just last week_ , _and Hannah had gotten_ _all shy and bushy, and_ , gosh, _KT wanted to make Peggy do that, too._

 _KT thought Peggy was the prettiest girl she had ever seen, and_ _her heart went 'pitter-patter' whenever they sat next to each other in Language Arts class. She wanted Peggy to know KT thought she was the prettiest girl_ _in the whole world!_

 _But when KT gave Peggy the dandelion bouquet at recess by the swings and said_ a _s such, Peggy scowled and dropped the flowers like the weeds everyone thought they were._

" _Ew!" she shrieked in her high-pitched voice that_ _had once made KT's heart go 'pitter-patter', but now made KT's heart rip in two. "My mommy says I need to stay far away from_ _girls_ _like you, or I'm gonna get the_ disease!"

 _KT_ _was confused_ — _she didn't have a disease._ " _But I_ _just wanted to_ —" _she began, but noticed how all movement on the playground had ceased and all eyes were on the two girls_ _by the swings._ _She suddenly felt very small. "I'm not—"_

 _A boy started laughing, and pointed at her._ " _Ha! KT is a fag! My dad says fags like her and everyone who defends them are gonna burn_!" _Slowly everyone started to point and laugh, whether it was because they thought the situation was funny or were too afraid to say otherwise, KT didn't know. She quivered under their scorn_ _for_ _a moment longer, and looked back up at Peggy's pretty face. But Peggy_ _was looking down at the bouquet of dandelions as she stomped them into the mulch._

 _And different_ _was bad._

The torment continued for several years after. Many kids refused to touch her for fear of getting the "gay disease", while others would risk physical contact so they could rough her up in the hallway—nothing that could ever leave a mark (except on her self-confidence).

KT never tried to confess her feelings to her crushes ever again. They would never return the feelings and it would just bring on fresh waves of torture from her peers.

By eighth grade, KT came to realize that most of her classmates didn't actually hate her, but she could see the fear of the people who _did_ hate her in their eyes. If they challenged this long tradition of abuse, the chair would be kicked out from under their feet, and they'd be left to hang there, vulnerable in the breeze.

In ninth grade, KT started dating a boy named Joshua. They didn't really like each other all that much, and he never said it outright, but KT had a strong feeling about why he'd approached her. Call it intuition...or the gaydar. Whatever the reason, the persecution let up a bit, like a light shower in between monsoons. Joshua and KT barely spoke to each other unless in school, and that was fine by her; it was more of a business agreement, a mutual assimilation into the society they'd rejected by just being born.

They dated all the way till the end of junior year, when KT's grandfather—her sweet, kind, understanding, _accepting_ Grandpa—fell extremely ill. They "broke up" in June right after school let out without so much as a backwards glance. They'd served each other's purposes: she held the closet door shut for him, while he provided her a shield from the people who mocked her as a freak. (KT would never admit it, but she would forever be grateful to Joshua for the protection he provided her for those years of high school).

Near the end of the summer, her Grandpa pulled her close, gave her a key, and told her to stop a great evil at Anubis House. Confused, but ever the obedient grandchild, she took the key and promised him to try her best. He died later that evening after KT had gone home.

Soon after, she found herself in another country, far away from the world of her childhood. The school was big and old and beautiful, and KT was amazed by it all. The people at Isis House were nice to her when she stayed the night there before moving into Anubis House the following day; it was surprising! At least, it was surprising until she realized they didn't know she was... _you know..._

She vowed not to tell a soul here—a fresh start. Sure, maybe these students would be more accepting, but KT had no interest in finding out. So when the minute she'd stepped into Anubis House, crash landed on the floor, had some guy tell her she was the girl from his dream, and pissed off some girl (who was very pretty, but _very_ clearly into the aforementioned boy), she could have cleared up at least the last situation right away with, "I don't swing that way, buddy." But did she? No way.

And so it continued, and KT soon found herself wrapped up in a massive conspiracy with danger around every corner. First evil teachers, and brackets, and sleeping great-grandfathers, then evil teachers _and_ friends, and staffs, and _very awake_ (and evil!) great-grandfathers. And Eddie was a good friend to her throughout it all; she'd never had a real friend before. It felt nice. Even when everything was becoming too much for her, there Eddie was, always seemingly ready to save the day. Like a superhero. She wanted him to know he was a superhero—not just to the world, but to her as well.

She was happy to help Patricia when she finally got her feelings out to KT in the bathroom one night. Having been super close with Eddie the whole term had given KT multiple chances to see the longing in his eyes whenever he looked at Patricia, and she figured it was about time to fix that mess.

It seemed everything was going great socially. Really, anything was a step up from back in America, but all her relationships were getting smoother by the day. She and Patricia weren't at odds anymore, she'd joined a sisterhood, and all her guy friends were super awesome, too! And Eddie was her best friend. And no body knew. And it felt good; it _was_ good...until the phonograph broke.

Suddenly she was back on the playground again, looking at the dandelions pummeled into the mulch while her classmates pointed and laughed, but now she was looking at the broken pieces of phonograph on Fabian's desk, and nobody was laughing.

KT was once again shut out, and how stupid it was of her to think that just by hiding who she was, she could keep the same thing from happening again. History would repeat itself over and over until the end of KT's days, and she felt that same sick confusion wash over her as she fled the room.

 _And different wasn't just bad this time—it was_ evil _._

Even after her name had been cleared, and the search had continued, and the battle been lost, and the war been won, KT still felt confused. Everything had worked out, so what was still missing?

After she and her housemates returned from the fireworks, KT noticed not for the first time that night how Eddie and Patricia were clinging onto each other like they might never hold each other again, and Alfie and Willow were acting all lovey-dovey, and Joy and Jerome were being cute, and even Mara and Fabian being all dorky and blushy. And then she realized why she was so confused.

 _Why do they get to be so open about their love for each other, but I might never get that chance?_

"I'm gay."

All chatter stopped.

"Like, um...like a lesbian type of gay."

It was silent in the foyer, coats halfway off. until Patricia started laughing. KT winced at her big slip, biting her cheek hard until she tasted blood. _Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid, KT!_ She prepared herself for the fatal blow that would once again leave her friendless and alone, but it never came. What was said instead was,

"Well, _Jesus_ , KT, if you'd said something earlier maybe I wouldn't have made such a fool of myself this year!" Patricia was full on laughing now, but not at KT—at herself. KT blinked in surprise, before giggling, too. And soon the two girls were laughing out loud amongst her stunned housemates.

Once they'd both calmed down, KT looked around at her friends. "So...what do you think?" she asked slowly, twiddling her thumbs. "Do you still wanna be around me?"

At those words, everyone sprung to life with a chorus of "Of course we do!" and "Why would you ever think otherwise?" And it felt good.

The night was pretty uneventful after that, besides Joy coming over to sit beside KT, coming out as bisexual, and telling her about a girl in Hathor House who came out the year before and was looking for a little action...

KT just barked out a laugh, tacking on a sheepish "Maybe" as an afterthought.

Before they all went to bed, Eddie pulled her aside. "I knew, you know," was all he said. KT blanched.

"You knew? How? Was I obvious?" she spluttered nervously.

Eddie just laughed, waving a hand to dismiss the thought. "No, no," she assured her, locking eyes with Patricia as she walked past them. "It was just that you were immune to my dashing good looks and charm! There was no way you were straight!"

"Hey!" came the simultaneous exclamations from the two girls, both full of laughter.

 _And for once, different wasn't so bad._


End file.
